What the frig?!? I was doing great. I was happy. Conquering my fears of the subway with a smile. Then the hormones started to brew. Last night after my CBT session I hopped a subway - knowing full well that I was on edge from lack of sleep and PMS. It was just too much. The train was moving too fast. My heart was racing. It was packed and I had to hold on with both hands and just breathe. My ipod was too loud. Then too soft. The music was too fast, then too mellow. Nothing was right. I wanted to jump from the train..."just get to my stop already. Oh come on already, ok, ok...you're gonna be ok". Finally the train stops...but I need to transfer...not there yet. Through the packed Times Square Station at rush hour. Panic attack. keep moving...
I have been suffering from PMDD for over 2 years now. I have been on YAZ and I am now on Loestrin24. Now, I don't want to send my male blog readers running for the hills. "Ahhhh, she said vagina!" - ok, no. Get over it...this is about being bipolar and at times...yes, being a chick. Oops. This is also about a downward spiral that is out of my control. I get very sick each month - sick in the mental sense. PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) is what it says - DISPHORIA! Learn about it here: http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/
I completely lose it each month! I can't function. Some months it is for 10 days! This month so far it has been 4 days - 2 have been really bad. My psychiatrist does not want me on "the pill" for my PMDD - he feels that hormones should not be messed with. I have tried to go without it and it was a disaster. My gyno wants me on the pill - they never seem to agree. So I am trying Loestrin24. My guess is that I will suffer around 6 days this month. That is better then 10. I feel like I don't know where to turn. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
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1 comment:
Tomorrow is always better, don't ever forget that.
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