PMDD Hell - In the moment

PMDD – This is ME - in the moment...

I am sitting at work – suffering. PMDD ruins my life for 7 to 10 days of each month. Today it hit hard (at least 7 days to go!!)! I feel like I want to die…or have a hysterectomy. I would never say that lightly – I know how serious that is (I watched many loved ones go through it). I can’t suffer like this anymore. I have not felt this out of control and agitated in a long time. I am extremely weak, light-headed, angry, emotional, anxious, brain fogged (I just tied to leave someone a business voicemail and had a hard time getting my words out). A work friend just called and I started to cry. Another colleague wanted to have a brief meeting – but I know I am too irritated to sit with her. My eyes are glassed over and I am pale. Plus I have terrible lower back pain for about 8 days each month…I feel like I am losing a kidney! Ok, that was a little dramatic - ok, all of this is dramatic...that is what PMDD is like in the moment (Welcome my dear friends, welcome). I am seeing the gyno tomorrow – made them squeeze me in. I also have a blood test in the am from my psychiatrist – for EVERYTHING under the sun. He ordered this before I hit bottom a few days ago. This is my 3rd cycle on Loestrin24 and clearly it is not cutting it. I was on Yaz – and while it seemed to really help with the sever mood swings – my doctor took me off of it due to migraines and lack of a period. I did not get my period for over 7 months. And while she was not really concerned because your period is not real to start with when you are on a pill…she wanted to try something else. I’m dying here people. I have been reading PMDD books. I have lost weight and changed my diet. I am walking more. I take Omega 3s and Calcium which should help with my mood. I went to bed at 9:45pm. I am doing everything I can to combat the beast which is PMDD. It affects my job and everything about me. Feeling like this flashes me back to when I had Serotonin Syndrome or a conflict with my thyroid. I can’t do this anymore! – Keep ya posted…and if you never hear from me again…I have jumped off the PMDD Bridge! Ahhhhhhh!