Update on Facebook Series Chapter 1 - Part 1 & Part 2

Please read The Facebook Series - Part I & Part II.

Update...I had dinner with Elana 2 nights ago (my next door neighbor from childhood). I wish I could report that we connected on an adult level that was refreshing and new - a fresh start...I was immediately reminded why she was picked on as a child and why I did some of that picking. We met at her hotel...I was excited to see her...especially healthy since her battle with breast cancer. She looks fantastic. She has the sweetest curls and a very warm face. We have not seen each other in over 25 years! Her half sister Julie met us at the hotel before dinner. She remembers me fondly. Her little sister is a very negative person - I could tell that their relationship was strained and they could not be more different - I just sat back and soaked it all up. I did A LOT of listening that night. I found myself delivering a different tone for me...I paused a lot and spoke slowly. I didn't care to impress. Perhaps I wanted to soften any negative memories she may have of me...but she seems to remember very little from her childhood...she was truly bullied for years!

Elana likes to talk...and not listen...if she asks a question she is not really interested in the answer- she is more interested in what she can add to your story or how it relates to her. For example she asked me how I knew I had cancer 13 years ago...I got only 1 minute into the story before she jumped back to her cancer tale - which I had been listening to for 2 hours. So I gave up on talking and just asked a lot of questions. The big bummer of the night was the meal. She insisted on going somewhere expensive for dinner. I explained that I did not know where to go because I have been on a budget and don't really splurge on meals - her response "I have been on a budget too and finally have an expense account - let's do it up!". So off we went to an all out steak house. The check comes and she only pays for herself...her expense account is for HER...not to cover me...so I had to dish out $75 for dinner! She is very out of touch with what other people need. She doesn't listen...I mean even during dinner I mentioned my major medical debt and how I have cashed in my 401k to chip away at the medical bills. She just smiled and kept on talking about herself. I was also disappointed to hear her say that she cannot deal with other breast cancer patients. That she will give back to the cause - but only to people who do not need her support or will not talk about their struggles with her. She is completely shut down to giving back emotionally...not just because she is afraid to hear challenging stories (which I can respect) - but because it is just not in her nature to give in that way. She mentioned a young survivor group she is in and was upset that too many women with breast cancer were in her group - she has gone to the leader and demanded that they move some of the women out of her group. The world revolves around Elana...and it always has.

I am still grateful that I reconnected with her...in a funny way it has relieved my guilt for giving her a hard time as a child - perhaps I prepared her for a life of people giving her a hard time...it sounds like it happens all the time to her. She is quite a difficult personality. I was true to my nature. I smiled all night and told her I had a great time, followed by a long hug. It is likely that we will not see each other ever again.